Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart... Jeremiah 1:5

Thursday, November 11, 2010


The other night I was thinking and imagining and remembering.  And for some reason I kept going back to when I was ten or eleven and was sharing a room with my sister.  For a large chunk of my life I have fought fear and although it is still a daily battle it is one that I am proud that I have been better at winning at lately.. Due to a large part of the amount of Word vs. negative images in my mind...But totally not the point of this post.   At some point in my mental meanderings I started to go back to those nights when I was a child and was horribly afraid of the dark-don't judge, I guarentee that 99% of you out there have been there.  Anyway, it brought me to this story.

Why does it have to be so dark in here? I thought clinging to my gloworm and looking over at my sister, sleeping peacefully, who was much too young to even understand that we SHOULD be scared of the dark.  I looked over my bed and for some reason the floor had fallen and  now instead of the brightly colored rug that had been there just two hours ago there was just inky blackness.  Instead of having a closet full of clothes I was sure there were strangers hiding in there just waiting to jump out at me.  And I wouldn't dare even glance UnDER the bed for surely there would be a monster, a spider, a snake, that evil witch from Wizard of Oz, or perhaps even that crocodile from Peter Pan that would love to have a scrumptious six-year-old to eat.  There was no way I was giving them that opportunity.  No sirree. Instead I would stay perfectly centered in my bed and not close my eyes.  Because if I kept my eyes opened at the very least I could SEE the evilness that was trying to destroy me.
Wait, what was the sound?  I quickly forgot my amazing plan of not closing my eyes and slammed them shut and tried to think happy thoughts.  For instance that GOOD witch from Wizard Of Oz in all her pink and bubbles, or that fairy god mother, or for goodness sake Winnie the Pooh!  Nothing was working-I could feel the tears welling and was just about to call out for Mom or Dad when I heard his voice.
"Oh, Child.  It is okay."  It was such a strong voice.  One that surely belonged to someone that could and probably would be able to save me from everything that was fighting for room under my bed and in my imagination.
For some reason those few words did not strike fear but brought immediate peace and I even managed to squint one eye open.  And what I saw at that moment took my breath away and instantaneously popped the other eye open in wonder.  Right next to my bed was a man, a giant, and he had WINGS!  Wings that touched the ceiling and seemed to envelop the room.
He was kneeling at my bedside.  "April, it is okay.  Don't be afraid.  I am here to protect you.  And do you know who sent me?"
It was the strangest thing, I had never seen this being before and yet I felt as if I had known him forever and had known him well.  I felt as if I could look into his eyes and dive into depths of love.  And with certainty I KNEW who had sent him.  "Jesus?" I asked.
"He did.  And you know what he told me?"  This stoic rock of a man said with a soft smile.
"That he loves you SO much and that you never have to be afraid because he is always with you.  And you know what else?  He is bigger than the monster, the spider, the snake, even the Wizard of Oz evil witch or the crocodile from Peter Pan.  He is bigger than everything.  And you know what else?"
I just shook my head.  At this point I was so full of peace and so relaxed that I could feel myself starting to nod off.
He smiled. "He sent me to protect you.  And I will always be here too.  All you have to do is say the word and I am here.  I am here to take care of your safety and protect you from anything that you might find to stumble on."
And as quickly as he had come he was gone.  But I knew he was still there.  I fell into a sweet sleep after that and for many nights to come thereafter I slept without fear because I could still see him kneeling next to my bed reminding me that Jesus loved me and that Jesus was taking care of me and that Jesus had already won.

Did I ever deal with fear again after that night?  Of course.  HOwever, I do believe that He gives his angels charge over us and that Psalm 91 is true.  In Isaiah it says to not be afraid, that God is there to take care of anything that comes in your way.  Even if that is that scary green witch from the Wizard of Oz.  Or even something far less imaginary like bills, surgeries, hurts, bitterness, that bad report from a doctor, teacher, or friend.  He is even bigger than that fear of not being good enough.  He is there and really just wants for you to dive into that love and receive it.

photo courtesy of

Watchers in the Night

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