I have found that patience is a vital key in life. VITAL. I don't care where we are or what we are doing having a three-year-old and a 16-month-old makes having patience necessary to make it from point A to point B. But recently I discovered that, at least for me, having patience for those around me seems to come a little easier for me than for having patience for MYSELF.
This couldn't have been more clear than last night. In post number one I described how excited/nervous I was to start a blog. This is something that I have been wanting to do for a very long time but had allowed the business of life, or perhaps the fear of putting my thoughts on paper to hold me back. Thus, I was proud that I had even stepped out on the limb to share with you my heart. But then last night I went in to try to figure out how this whole blogging thing worked. How do I make it pretty? How do I navigate this website? How do I even get to post number TWO?
I am not sure if it was the lateness of the evening or the end of a long day or perhaps it could have been the fact that Addisen tried to use EVERY excuse to not go to bed (I even heard her yell from the top of the steps, "Daddy, what are you wearing tomorrow? Where are your clothes?") but for some reason this website could have been written in Italian, French, or any number of foreign languages I could not figure it out. And with each passing minute; goodness, every passing SECOND I was getting more frustrated and angry with myself. Strangest part of it all? I had begun the day with confessing over myself that today I was going to be patient and gentle and kind with all those around me. And you know what? I succeeded all day. I really was patient and gentle and kind all day to those around me. Even the antics of Addisen didn't faze me in the doctors office-and I am not bragging at all b/c there have been many days where I have not given Addisen the benefit of the doubt or accepted the fact that three-year-olds and small rooms don't always work. But for some reason this glass house that was my patience was breaking with every click of the mouse and every misspelled word.
Why is it so hard to sometimes allow yourself to have grace? Why is it you think that everyone else deserves it but that you should figure everything out the very second that you start something. Why is it that you think that you should be perfect at everything you start right when you start? Isn't there a saying out there that says you can't walk before you crawl?
Needless to say I let my frustration build and build and finally gave up and I am not proud to admit it but even lashed out at Josh. He, however, has this vast store of patience and just hugged me and told me to go to bed. I have also found that sleep is a VITAL part of life and without it there is even less hope to have patience with those around you or yourself.
So, why am I sharing this story with you? Because, I learned something last night. It reiterated my claim of sleep but it also opened my eyes that grace and patience are not over just because my girls are put to sleep, or even when Josh falls asleep. In fact I think that patience and grace are more vital when you have just your own thoughts to keep you company. Those are the moments that you need to realize that you are LoVED. That you are SPECIAL. You have GIFTS and TALENTS and it doesn't matter that you don't get something the first time, or the second time, or even the millionth time- He still loves you. And that there is always tomorrow and tomorrow His graces are new and you can try again. And again. And again if you need to.